Spring, Teeth, and Validation

Lunch on the train

So. Hands down favorite single moment of the week:

We were at a member's apartment, helping her build a kitchen into her apartment. Yup. We assisted in moving all the different pieces of the kitchen from the 5th floor to the ground floor and helped build it into her kitchen space. It took like a bijillion hours, but it got done, thanks to the awesomeness of some members and Sister Eschenmann. (Sister Eschenmann has studied English, Russian, Sewing, Maintenance, and she worked for a while building airplane parts. Oh, and she trained for the French Army.  Basically Boss.)

Anyway...

This member lives in like a quasi assisted living complex, so most of her neighbors are also golden-aged. We got into the Elevator to head up to the 5th floor, and the son of one of the members  who was helping (younger than 10-years-old) was with us. Just before the elevator doors closed, this sweet old women gets on, and immediately starts talking. I'm only catching every other word because she is talking about a million miles an hour. I can also tell that she is currently not wearing her dentures, because of the way her lips were wrapping around her gums as she was talking. Suddenly, she laughs as says

"Haha! I don't have any teeth! SEE!"

and she leans down, and opens her mouth wide and shows off her toothless gums to this little boy. The initial look of  EHH? on his face I will always hold dear in my heart. Then, like a man, he smiled up at her. As she got off the elevator, she told me

"Now, remember...black and green tea are SUPER healthy...don't forget!"

So this week was frustrating because I wasn't feeling personally validated, which although I knew wasn't true, it was still causing me grief. Basically, I was comparing myself to other people too much in my head. I talked to my companion and some other missionaries and got some really super advice, which I appreciated. But they were all like

"It's part of being on a mission. EVERYONE goes through that."

which I know is true, but telling someone who wants to be validated that their pain or problem is like everyone else's is like telling a person who wants to develop patience that they have to wait in line until all the other people in front of them get it first.

But, I kind of compiled all the advice into one in my head and this is what I came up with:

What is the blessing that I can offer other people from each of my weaknesses?

It was an interesting experiment. I recommend it.

zum Beispiel:

"I care too much about what people think of me"

becomes

"I care about how people feel"

"I eat too much chocolate"

becomes

"I savor the good things in life, and through my actions, I give other people permission to do the same" (hehe)

It doesn't justify the weakness, but it gives me a way to "beat the system" in my head and fulfill, in part, Ether 12:27. Just a thought. :)

So in church yesterday, we had a surprise visit from Elder Kearon, who is in the First Quorum of the Seventy. He shared some thoughts with us in Sacrament Meeting, which were just so beautiful, they made me weep.

He talked about some old apple trees that he drives by all of the time in England. He said that these trees looked too dead to be alive, but just last week, he noticed small and tender green shoots coming out of those dead-ish branches. He then said,

"For those who feel like they are spiritually dead. Your spring will come."

I want to add my promise and testimony to that as well. On the days where you just want to lay your burden down and give up, give in, or throw the towel in (there are days where I will even fold the towel before I throw it in, just so that someone will take it! haha),

please, please remember:

Your spring will come.

God lives.

Playing American Football

He loves you. Like, loves you with the only love that can put everything back into the right place, that can fill your aching soul with the freedom and hope it deserves.

Hold on. Keep going. You're so close.

I believe in you. I really do. And I always will.

All my love,

Sister Roderer

Nertz, Trees and Puns

Guess what I got to do this week?!? I got to play the European Version of Nertz! I was soo happy! But I am a little out of practice. We had a Termin with a sister who invited a bunch of her non-member friends to come and we ate food, played games, and talked about religious things. It was super fun.

One really funny experience this week was when Sister Eschenmann and I were trudging up the hill back to our apartment, and we passed by this man who looked at us strangely (that was no surprise) and then he was like

"Wait a minute...you are female Elders!!" I was like

"Uh..Yeah! hehe Have you seen missionaries like us before?"

It turns out that he had seen Elders before, but had never seen Sisters before.

So we got to help paint a member's apartment the other day. She is healing from some leg operations and things, so sometimes it is hard for her to get around. She has a dog and a cat, so sometimes the hair builds up, because she can't always reach down and clean everything up, which makes total sense. That's why we have missionaries! :) So one of the members of the ward came to help paint, and he started comparing getting the apartment ready for painting to the purpose of missionaries.

Glauben-------Have faith-------Have a vision of the Apartment after painting, and begin to act

Umkehr--------Repent-----------move out all of furniture and change what was before

Taufe-----------Baptism----------wash the walls, etc.

die Gabe des Heiligen Geistes empfangen-----Holy Ghost----Receive the new paint

At about this moment, I am holding open a garbage sack as Elder Strong is putting a broom pan of dog hair into the sack. And then I started laughing.

"Und...." I said "bis ans Ende Aus Haar-en"

Aus=out  Haar=hair  but Ausharren=endure (as in endure to the end)  and it is all pronounced the same way.

FIRST GERMAN PUN! I feel legit now. haha

I don't know if that made any sense. Hopefully it did.

So I have always been bothered with the saying "When at first you don't succeed, try try again." Because to my perfectionist mind, I was always like "Hmmm...no. If at first you don't succeed, then when you finally get around to doing it, it's not "real" because you had to create it, so it's not natural. If you have to convince, then it's not legit."

Well, you can imagine how healthy that mindset has been for me.

And while I hope not everyone has such an intelligent way of looking at things as I do, I think everyone suffers from some type of "Ooh, I don't want to risk that" Syndrome.

But last Monday, we went to Kletterweld, which is basically an obstacle course....in the trees.

I had been so excited for this, for WEEKS. There were levels of courses, and I got through the first, more easy one with very little problem. Then we decided that we should try one of the hardest ones. Great idea, right?

So the first step was climbing up a board covered with rock climbing hand holds. No problem, except this board flapped loose in the wind, and was only connected at the top. hehe  No problem. Climbing up, I'm good at that. But that's where it got interesting. The next steps....hehe I totally cheated, but whatever.  Then the next part included me, and three ropes. There was no way I felt like I could do it, so I awkwardly zip lined across and heaved the mass known as Sister Roderer up onto the platform. By this point, I was pretty convinced that I couldn't keep going, but I was kind of stuck. I couldn't go back because there were two Elders behind me, and going forward looked basically impossible. But that seemed the only logical way. so forward I went. (see pic 6313) So two hand holds, where you hold your own weight, swing forward, and get your footing on a swinging bar. And so it went. I almost made it. But the problem was, that the further we went along, the further apart the boards got. Long story short (the short part was my legs. Call me stumpy) I fell, got tangled in EVERYTHING possible, and was totally stuck. So I had to grab the bar behind me, Shimmy my way onto it, go from sitting to standing, reach back, unhook the first of my safety hooks to untangle it, then hook it back closer to me, and then do that again with the other safety clip. Well I TRIED AGAIN. AND TRIED AGAIN. And got tangled every time. And finally had to be rescued by this very nice (acting and looking) climbing expert. Probably hands down the 30 most embarrassing minutes of my life. And then I look down (from the tree as I am dangling on my support lines) and see like a BUNCH of people watching. Like they don't have anything else to do with their lives than watch my ego dissipate into a puddle! The words that went through my head can be translated to "Go away meanies!!"

Anyway. What is so great about trying again if all it brings you is a painfully nicked thumb, bruises all up and down your arms, and such a sore body that you can barely climb up the FOUR FLIGHTS OF STAIRS every time you want to get back to your apartment? Not to mention what happened to my pride. Um...well....it was totaled. The price for its repair would be too great. I had to leave it in the dump.

This is what I learned. Without risk, there is no possibility, without trying, there is no becoming. Without failure, there is no real knowledge.  But someone else said it better:

President Thomas S. Monson has taught, “One of God’s greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final.” Even if we’ve been a conscious, deliberate sinner or have repeatedly faced failure and disappointment, the moment we decide to try again, the Atonement of Christ can help us. And we need to remember that it is not the Holy Ghost that tells us we’re so far gone that we might as well give up.
God’s desire that Latter-day Saints keep on trying also extends beyond overcoming sin. Whether we suffer because of troubled relationships, economic challenges, or illnesses or as a consequence of someone else’s sins, the Savior’s infinite Atonement can heal even—and perhaps especially—those who have innocently suffered. He understands perfectly what it is like to suffer innocently as a consequence of another’s transgression. As prophesied, the Savior will “bind up the brokenhearted, … give … beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, [and] the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.” No matter what, with His help, God expects Latter-day Saints to keep on trying.  (Dale G. Renlund)

God lives. He loves you. Of this I bear witness.
I love you all!

Sister Roderer

"A Saint is a sinner that keeps on trying"

Watching General Conference with Sister E

Frohe Oster!!

I hope you all have had an amazing Easter!

Sister Eschenmann and I went to an Evangelische Church yesterday morning with some of her distant-er relatives we have found in Wiesbaden. I was excited because they sang some liturgy stuff, so I was actually able to sight-read the notation, thanks to music history! And then, right afterwards, we listened to General Conference.

The schedule is so weird for us in Germany. Yesterday, Elder Eyring was like "We welcome you on this Easter morning" and I was like, actually, you must mean Easter evening. :) And we didn't get to watch the last session because it would happen about when we needed to be home without Internet. Haha, I think it was funny Saturday, we watched the first session with our ward Mission leader and his YSA children.

Imagine this:

Two sets of missionaries, super stoked about General Conference, our questions ready....and then the first talk was on marriage...and the next one was about family...and so it went. I thought it was hilarious. I also loved it. I think it is so important to be focused on the family, and strong marital relationships, because that is the most important unit in the church. Everything that we have in the church is meant to build up the family.

Also, I LOVED the new camera angle. And the sessions we watched at the church we watched in English, but the first one we watched in German, in case any one was wondering. :)

So BIG NEWS in Frankfurt Germany...

At the end of this month, Elder Bednar will be coming, all the missionaries will be getting iPads, and in a couple of months, we will start working with Facebook! CRAZY!

So I was talking to Elder Blanchard about an interview he and his companion had had with a Journalist that last week and he said that they asked "What happens to the people who don't accept your message?" I thought about what I would say, with what is says in Alma and the Spirit World-spirit paradise and spirit prison, where everyone will have the opportunity to accept, and about God's mercy, etc, and that seemed too complicated, so I was like "They stay in Hell until they change their minds." :) Sorry...missionary jokes are so lame, it is like its own culture, and half of the time it is not even funny.

In case you were all wondering which of my dreams came true the other week (and even if you weren't) I wanted to share my experience.

I have struggled with body Image since I was about 8-years-old when I realized that I was too fat to fit in the outfit that I had dreamed about for months. (Sheesh, I'm such a girl! haha) I had seen it at Shopko and I was instantly in love. It was a dress with flowers and some sheer overlay of some type ( I don't really remember specifically anymore) and it was beautiful. At least to my mini self it was. I remember talking my parents into letting me try it on more than once, and I remember when it became clear that it did not make me look good.

I was crushed.

Like "life is so unfair" crushed.

And from then on, I didn't trust my body any more. That experience triggered a mistaken belief about my body that basically said "my body isn't beautiful enough".

16 years later, I've still carried that belief around. So one of my secret (or not so secret) dreams has always been to have the perfect body. No stubby legs, no Relief Society arms, no tummy "coolers", and no shopping in the L+ clothing section.

It became more complicated than just working out and losing weight. I wanted self-worth AND a beautiful body, but I could see that I didn't think I could have one without the other, so I stayed stuck.

But, the other day, someone said something nice about how I looked, and this thought came out of the blue "I can work with that". And for the rest of the day, for the first time in 16 years, I was happy with my body. I didn't care, I wasn't worried, because as I could work with what I was now. I felt like a weight was lifted (pun intended). I was no longer trying to be something or someone first before I liked who I was. I knew I had something powerful to offer as I was, and that made me feel more beautiful than my body ever could. It hasn't completely gone away, and that is beautiful to me. The idea that we can actually change, actually grow, and actually become. Thanks to the Atoning blood of our Elder Brother, Jesus Christ, we can Keep on trying, and eventually be made Saints, perfected, intelligent, glorified, and eternal.

One cool thing that I have realized about the Book of Mormon this week.

The Bible states the events in Christ's life, and the doctrine that He taught, and the teachings of the apostles and what they taught after He went back home to heaven. But the Book of Mormon is so critical, not just because it clarifies many of the doctrines taught in the Bible,

but it is also a record of a people's daily experience with living the gospel and having faith in Christ. It is their personal account and witness of Christ.

Are you wondering how to apply the gospel better in your daily life? Read the Book of Mormon, they did that too.

Are you wondering if it is worth it to believe in a God that you have never seen, and who came like a bejillion years ago? Read the Book of Mormon, they know how you feel. They believed in a Christ that HAD NOT YET come. They had to have faith like us, too. Only a small part of that people had part in His earthly ministry. But they had personal experiences with Him, and we can too.

That is something that I learned from attending both churches yesterday.One man that we talked to a few weeks ago said that God is unknowable, and it is prideful to think that we could know Him. Well, OK. Let's go with that idea for a minute. What if it was? But what if He wanted us to know Him? To know who He is, and what is important to Him? Wouldn't that change things? Wouldn't that make the fact that we want to distance ourselves out of "respect" mean that WE are being prideful?

As a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, as a living, dedicated, set-apart representative of Jesus Christ, I can testify, with every corner of my soul that He does want us to know Him. We are His literal children, and He can provide us with joy.

Joy.

This is not a a gospel of compromised dreams, forgotten hopes, and buried pain. This is a gospel of joy.

Joyfully Yours,

Sister Roderer