A Fighting Chance

 Sister Hadfield and I match all of the time. All of the time. In fact, we are wearing the same top as I am typing this. We also don't mean to. We get dressed, look at each other, shrug our shoulders and start personal study.

Hallo!!

This week was so fabulous! We had really so much fun, and we saw so many miracles.

A lady randomly came to church on Sister Hadfield's first Sunday, speaking English and showing interest in what was going on. We tried for the next transfer and a half, almost every week to call, go by, klingel, leave notes pamphlets, etc. Finally we decided that we just needed to give her a break, and try again in a few weeks. Then, randomly, Sister Hadfield gets the inspiration that we should go by. I agreed, but didn't expect anything from it. We get to her house and there is a pizza delivery dude hogging up all the door bells, so we decide to sit on a bench and wait. Suddenly we see this lady come down the path toward our bench and she was like

"Do you remember me?"

Umm....yes! We've only shed blood, sweat, and tears trying to get ahold of you!

Turns out that for a couple weeks her phone was broken, so she lost our number. And her doorbell has been broken and just got fixed two weeks ago, and she's been in the hospital.

No wonder she didn't return our calls.

I wouldn't either!

She expressed appreciation for all the times we had stopped by. Like it meant a lot.

And now she has agreed to take the lessons! 

Sorry that's just one story, and it isn't very funny, but I wanted to share this thing that's been on my mind.

"This life is an experience in profound trust--trust in Jesus Christ, trust in His teachings, trust in our capacity as led by the Holy Spirit to obey those teachings for happiness now and for a purposeful, supremely happy eternal existence. To trust means to obey willingly without knowing the end from the beginning (see Proverbs 3:5-7). To produce fruit, your trust in the Lord must be more powerful and enduring than your confidence in your own personal feelings and experience...As you trust Him, exercise faith in Him, He will help you." Elder Richard G. Scott "Trust in the Lord"

This experience with this lady was exactly that. Our experience had taught us that we should give up. But we didn't. We couldn't. Because we're missionaries. And as a missionary I am here to tell you don't give up.

Don't you dare give up.

That thing, that thing that you don think is possible anymore because experience or some dumbo off of the street told you that you couldn't have it, that very thing is the thing that you deserve to have. You're a child of God. He created the blasted Universe! He science behind everything, that leaves us astounded and some wondering if God really exists, yeah, that? He is the power behind the science. And He understands it.

So don't give up.

I know there are days when you want to. I know there are days when I have wanted to, so badly it hurt.

I have felt the panic of being suffocated by fear. It's like every breath you take is fake, because what is going on around you can't be real. It's like being trapped in a fishbowl, where you can see through the the walls of your feelings to reality, but you can't get out, and the pounding of your heart echoes the pounding of your fists against the glass, but the sound itself is lost and stifled and distorted by the pressure of the water. In those moments, and I know we all have them, I wonder how the biscuit we can get out. And it always comes down to the same two things. And really just one thing, actually, but, whatever.

Us and Christ.

Yup. I said that a couple of weeks ago, but this is the theme of my mission and it should be the theme of our lives, because without Him, we'll drowned.

We need Him. Oh so desperately.

So the never ending story is how in this puny land of mortality are we supposed to come close enough, to understand enough, to try hard enough, to love enough, to even begin to be able to take His yoke upon us and give our fears to Him? I think I'll be hunting after answers for the rest of my life, but here is this week's winner.

We have to give ourselves a fighting chance.

For all the power of Heaven and Hell, we still have our agency. Our Father, in His wisdom, gave us the key to our own happiness. If we want to get out of the fishbowl, we have to believe hat we belong outside of the fishbowl. We have to choose to be there.

I know. I know, I know that it's hard. I know that sometimes it's just not that easy, but I promise you it's always possible. I know there are difficult circumstances that I can't even begin to imagine, but I still can promise you that you can choose. You still have that power, you still have that right.

Elder Bednar described our mind as a jar full of sand. There is a mix of white sand and dark red sand. The white sand represents truth, light, love hope, etc and the dark sand represents our weaknesses, our lusts, our sins. There is a tiny hole at each end of the jar, just big enough for one grain of sand. Every time we put a grain of sand of one color into the jar, a grain of the other color pops out the other side. There are tons of grains of sand, but eventually, the sand could be completely white. We just have to hang on!! Every time we try it makes a difference. Every grain of sand counts. And nothing is lost to the Lord.

Any who,

All my love!!

Sister Roderer

P.S.

Boy do I miss you all! This week I hit my 6 month mark...unbelievable. So, naturally, here is my 6 months picture. Also in a wheat field.

This is what happens when four sister missionaries eat lunch on the Rhein.