Cream of the Carp

Well, this week is done and gone...to quote C. S. Lewis this week is "One more portion of one's self slipping away into the past". Or Mary Warnock when she says "Anything that is over...is a lost possession...The past is a paradise from which we are necessarily excluded."

 

On that note, here's the rundown of our week:

 

*We saw Elder Ballard in person on Tuesday.

*We had snow everyday this week, except for the six days of rain.

*We gave two of our investigators to the Elders because it felt right.

*Our miracle investigator, turns out, lives outside of our area, so he will be taught by the missionaries in his area.

*The Christmas Festivals started opening this week.

*Fried-Apple yogurt is my new favorite food.

 

We wanted to have a Street Display on Saturday, but it started to rain.

A lot.

So we decided in order to have this street display, we would need to have a tent to cover us and the copies of the Book of Mormon, so we got permission to buy one, and went on a hunt for a tent.

I asked Siri (on the iPad) where there were stores with camping gear, and we were directed to two possible locations.

I picked the one closest to us and off we went, ducking under drippy doorways and avoiding puddles.

After ten minutes of walking like this, we found ourselves in a rather sketchy part of Mannheim.

Finally, we get to this weird corner of the street and I'm looking for the address, and I see this dingy looking store, which I walk right by, because I'm looking for a camping store, not a dim-lit kiosk.

My mistake.

This dim-lit kiosk with the cartoon whale on the side with the sign "Moby Dick Fishing" was Siri's recommendation.

Never again, Siri. We're over.

I sort of, cautiously pull the door knob and peek inside, then immediately shut it again.

"Sister Helmick.... I don't think we are going to find our tent in there. I don't want to go in, we'll look super awkward."

But, I figure that I'm just being a baby, and should go in there.

So we do.

This shop is about as big as our bedroom, and is covered, wall to ceiling, in all sorts of lures and fishing poles.

The only people in the store are three very German men, two of which are burly, and all three of which are hairy.

One very fast glance around, and I knew we probably wouldn't find our tent there.

The men, meanwhile are looking at us in total confusion.

Not every day you see two well-dressed white American girls in their twenties checking out the local German fishing store.

Little did they know that we were actually expert fisher women, only we fish for a different sort. (See Matthew 4:19 or Mark 1:17)

We did find fishing waders large enough to be a tent, but decided against it.

We are still tent-less, but we've been culturally enriched.

 

 

I don't believe that any of us are weak. We most certainly have weaknesses, but I don't think we as people, are weak. It is not in our spiritual genetics. Even those who seem to be weak, so much of what we do is in defense or reaction to our earlier behavior. We are creatures of self-discovery and self-awareness, but also of self-fixing and self-evaluating. To me, that is an indication of our inner resilience.

 

But, what I do believe, is that we want desperately to hear the words that will validate us.

We need to feel that we understand the "why" behind the things that hurt the most. This is why the Plan of Salvation is so important. It gives us the answers to the big "whys" of life.

But there are so many smaller things that we crave explanations to. And when we don't get the explanation, it is our tendency to address the discomfort the "why" leaves in its wake. We do this through substances, movies, music, food, and other forms of stimuli. I find it interesting that when we can't feel the resolution we want to feel, we try then to just feel something, almost anything, to try to fill the hole.

Hm.... I change my earlier statement. We're not weak, we can just be really dumb sometimes.

...Just kidding.

Like last night, I had this moment where I looked into the bottom of my empty ice cream bowl and realized that the "prize" was not at the bottom, the way I was hoping it would be. I've tried this a few times...it's never there.

Trust me. ;)

I know that this is the case, but every time, without fail, if you were to tell me that I'd find happiness at the bottom of that bowl, container, or box, I'd believe you.

A quote comes to mind: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

 

Awkward.

 

Not only do I eat too much ice cream, I also am on the edge of insanity.

That's comforting.

 

But, the important thing is to really search for the understanding that we need to keep going. Sometimes we think it needs to be understanding enough for the whole year, or for the whole decade, or a lifetime, but really, we need just enough understanding to get through a day or an hour. We change a little bit everyday, our cells are constantly changing, dying, growing, and everything in between, and we are basically in a constant state of morphing. That's why faith needs so much up keeping.

Faith for us yesterday is not faith for today.

That's why we need to be praying constantly. That's why old things come back in new situations, and that's why time is precious, and why consistency is the difference between theory and reality.

It's incredible!

The vibrancy, the intensity, the beauty and complexity of life leaves me breathless.

It's dazzling and strange, inspiring and difficult, healing and wounding all at the same time!

 

So folks, read your scriptures, say your prayers. Give something old up, and take in something new. Go discover something.

 

I just want you all to know that I don't know the exact words that you are craving to hear, but I do want you to know that I think you're wonderful. I thought you were wonderful yesterday, and I know you'll still be wonderful tomorrow.

 

But oh so much better is the love of God our Father who knows you perfectly, in all of your states, and His Son, your Brother, who paid the price for your soul, thereby unlocking you from the chains of yesterday and setting you free into the brilliant dawn of tomorrow.

 

Enough with the cheesy adjectives.

 

Love you all!

 

 

Sister Roderer